Reunion The Aftermath
by beckyboop
Summary: Sequel to my earlier Reunion fic, which was set 20 years in the future. Basically, Cartman has tried to kill everybody (but failed) Ike is having an affair with Bebe, Stan and Wendy are thinking about getting together (again). There is also a surprise f


Part 1  
  
Kyle woke up with a splitting headache. He winced as he sat up and put his feet on the floor. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the alarm clock near the bed. It was 9:32. He yawned and shuffled over to the pile of clothes near his bed. He slowly bent down and searched through the pile for his pants. He dusted them off and slowly put them on, trying all the while to make no sudden movements that would make his headache worse.  
  
"Kyle! Ike! Are you boys awake?" Kyle flinched as his mother's voice echoed up the hall.  
  
"Coming mom!" he called back. He sat on his bed and held his head in his hands, desperately wishing he had some aspirin. He sighed, stood up and resumed dressing.  
  
Kyle stumbled into the hall and heard a thump coming from Ike's room, followed by some muttered cursing. The door opened, and Ike came out, eyes bloodshot, hair messy and shirtless.  
  
"Dude," croaked Kyle, "you look as good as I feel."  
  
"Have you seen my shirt?" Ike whispered hoarsely.  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"It's not in my room, and I can't remember where I left it." Kyle shook his head and smiled.   
  
"Maybe you should ask Bebe?" Ike grinned sheepishly as the descended the stairs for breakfast.  
  
Stan woke to the sound of the phone ringing.  
  
"Shit. What time is it?" he mumbled as he groped around the bedside table for the phone. His hand connected with the phone, accidentally knocking it off the table sending it crashing to the ground.  
  
"Shit." Said Stan, fumbling around the floor for the phone, falling out of bed with a dull thud. He finally located the phone, and answered it.  
  
"Ha *cough* hello?"  
  
"Heh. Did I wake you dude?" Came Kyle's voice from the other end of the line.  
  
"Of course you fucking woke me! What time is it?"  
  
"About 10."  
  
"Shit Kyle! How can you be up so early?"  
  
"I have to be up early these days, I don't think I can sleep in anymore..."  
  
"Whatever dude, it's early." Yawned Stan. Kyle sighed.  
  
"So, what are we doing today." Kyle asked.  
  
"Dude, I don't know about you, but I'm leaving!" Replied Stan.  
  
"Come on dude, it's the weekend. I mean, didn't you have a good time last night?"  
  
"Yeah, but it's not like we can hang around Hap's bar all weekend!"  
  
"Works for everybody else in town..."  
  
"Whatever dude." Stan looked around the room for his clothes. He spotted his pants near the door, and crawled over to them, the phone still in his hand.  
  
"Look, dude, I think we should catch up with everyone while we're all still in town."  
  
"Uh ha." Stan was reaching for his pants, but the phone cord was not long enough.  
  
"I mean, we grew up here, and most of out friends are still here. I mean, if it weren't for this town, we wouldn't be the people we are today."  
  
"Uh ha." Stan lay on his stomach and stretched his arm towards his pants.  
  
"Dude, are you even listening to me?"  
  
"Uh ha."  
  
"Okay dude. I'll be over soon." Said Kyle, hanging up the phone. Stan cast the phone aside and kept his sights set on his pants. He mustered his strength, and leaped on his pants. Just as he landed, the door opened. He looked up and saw his Sharon looking down at him, half naked on the floor with his pants in his arms, the phone off the hook and a satisfied look on his face.  
  
"I'll come back later." She said, closing the door.  
  
Eric woke up in a hospital bed. His head hurt. The last thing he remembered was eating a cream puff. He looked around for his wife Annie, but she wasn't there. Eric buzzed for a nurse, who came promptly.  
  
"Mr. Cartman?"  
  
"Don't you Mr. Cartman me!"  
  
"How are you feeling Mr. Cartman?"  
  
"Why the fuck am I here?"  
  
"You passed out Mr. Cartman. Somebody slipped you a very powerful sedative." Said the nurse checking the hand-written notes on his chart. "Such a dose could have killed you, you're very lucky Mr. Cartman."  
  
"Lucky my ass!" Yelled Cartman thrashing in his bed.  
  
"Maybe you'd like to watch some T.V?" The nurse flicked the television on as she exited the room.  
  
"And in local news, the 20th Anniversary of Kenny McCormick's death was marred a terrorist attack. Here's a blind amputee on rollerblades."  
  
"Thanks Tom. Yes, terrorists have been blamed for this elaborate and near-deadly trap that was rigged up just outside South Park on Phil Collins hill, and was set to go off at noon. Fortunately, the trap was disarmed ten seconds before noon my a local boy, Tommy Tenorman."  
  
"What!" Yelled Eric.  
  
"Young Tommy Tenorman has been hailed as a hero and will be considered for a medal. He had this to say earlier."  
  
"Boom! I'm a super hero!"  
  
"Thanks Manny. A man hunt is now on for the would-be terrorist. Locals had this to say."  
  
"Well, I hope they catch that dirty terrorist." Said some woman Cartman didn't know.  
  
"I hope they give him the chair!" Said another guy.  
  
"I bet it was that little bastard Eric Cartman!" Said Mr. Garrison, appearing on the screen.  
  
"Mr. Garrison! Son of a bitch!" Cartman jumped out of bed and turned of the television. "Shit. I can't stay here. I need to go under ground." He heard the nurse's shoes squeaking down the hall, and panicked.  
  
"Crap! They're coming for me!" Cartman spotted the window and jumped out of it, but he didn't go far. He was stuck. And that's how the poor nurse found him, when she eventually checked his room, about an hour later. Naked except for a hospital gown, ass hanging out, suck in the window. His fat ass was burned in her retina.  
  
Part 2  
  
Stan and Kyle strolled down the main street.  
  
"See Kyle, it hasn't changed since yesterday when we were here." Said Stan.  
  
"I know, but, we saw everybody so briefly yesterday, and I thought that maybe we could..."  
  
"All right. Who are you looking for?"  
  
"Nobody! I just wanna look around..."  
  
"Kyle..."  
  
"Okay! I'm looking for Rebecca." Said Kyle sadly, rushing ahead of Stan. Stan ran to catch up.  
  
"Dude." Said Stan, laying his hand on Kyle's shoulder, causing Kyle to spin around and face him. "I'm sorry dude." Kyle nodded and kept walking. "Hey, Kyle, how about a coffee?" Said Stan, trying to cheer his friend up.  
  
"Tweeks?" Kyle asked, looking up.  
  
"Why not!"  
  
"Cool." They changed direction and headed toward Tweek's coffee house.  
  
They walked in the quaint coffee shop to find it bursting with customers. Tweek and Bebe were behind the counter serving customers.  
  
"Hey, that reminds me. Where is Ike?" Asked Stan, spotting Bebe behind the counter.  
  
"Well, he lost his shirt last night, and he doesn't have a spare, so mom won't let him out of the house." Answered Kyle.  
  
"So, you mean he's grounded?" Laughed Stan.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Said Kyle, trying not to smile.  
  
"Dude! Weak!" Said Stan, still laughing. They joined the line behind a rather hung over looking young couple.  
  
"Wow, this place is busy!" Commented Stan looking around at the crowd packed into the small shop.  
  
"Well, Tweek's coffee is the best." Said a woman sitting in a booth sipping on a coffee.  
  
"Oh, ok." Said Stan, looking straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with the woman, who was checking him out. Despite the fact he had a lot of girls back in New York, he still felt shy sometimes.  
  
"Have a nice BALLSACK day. Next please."  
  
"Hey Tweek." Said Stan, putting his hands on the counter and looking up at the menu. "Ok. I'll have, uh, 3 large coffees please."  
  
"Ok BASTARD TURD! Milk? Sugar? BALLSWEAT!" Said Tweek, twitching.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Milk, two sugars in all I guess."  
  
"Ok then. Will that be all, or would you like a blow job as well?" Stan looked at Tweek smiling and twitching behind the counter.  
  
"Uh, what?"  
  
"I said would you like a blow job?" Tweek repeated. Bebe waved from behind the coffee machine.  
  
"Well, Uh, does it cost extra?  
  
"No, it's complimentary."  
  
"Complimentary blow job?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Yes." Answered Tweek.  
  
"You know what, I think I'll pass." Said Stan, looking at the smiling, twitching Tweek.  
  
"Blow job? That reminds me." Said Kyle to himself. "Bebe!" He called over the counter. She turned and smiled at him. "Do you have Ike's shirt?" Bebe looked puzzled for a moment, as if she was trying to remember what had happened the night before, made a somewhat surprised face, smiled and nodded.  
  
"I'll bring it back to your mom's place when my shift is over." She called, giving three large Styrofoam cups to Tweek, who put lids on them and handed them to Stan. Stan paid, took the cups, handed two to Kyle and walked away. Kyle followed.  
  
"Complimentary blow jobs." Said Stan as he walked out of the door. "No wonder that place has so much business."  
  
Cartman woke up in a hospital bed for the second time that day. He tried to get up, only to be hit by a sharp pain in his side.  
  
"OW! NURSE!" He buzzed for the nurse until he heard a voice from down the hall calling. "Ok, keep your damn head on." Cartman reclined on his pillow, ready to impress the polite, pretty nurse who had come last time he buzzed.  
  
"What!" Snapped the nurse. Cartman did a double take when he saw the nurse. She was fat, with limp black hair and a pock marked face.  
  
"Who the fuck are you?" He said indignantly.  
  
"I'm the nurse, dumbass!" Replied the nurse curtly, picking up his chart and checking it.  
  
What happened to the other nurse?"  
  
"You scarred her for life, that's what happened! Coming in and seeing you fat, naked, hairy ass hanging out the window! I'm surprised she's not dead!"  
  
"My ass is hairy?" The nurse put the chart back and walked over to Cartman to check his pulse.  
  
"Why does my side hurt?"  
  
"You passed out, they had to saw you out of the window." Cartman looked over at the window, to see if it was intact, and it was. A puzzled look crossed his face.  
  
"Dumbass. They're not going to leave you in that room! They have to get it fixed!" She fiddled with the IV and went to leave.  
  
"Ay! Turn on the T.V!"  
  
"No way. Last time you watched the T.V you jumped out the God damn window!" She was almost out the door when she turned and added "Oh, you're wife's here." The nurse exited, shaking her head and muttering "poor woman." Annie Cartman entered the room, clutching her purse to her chest and looking around.  
  
"Annie!" Cartman was actually relieved to see his wife.  
  
"Oh Eric!" Cried Annie, dropping her purse and running over to her husband's bedside. "I was so worried!" She said, dropping to her knees beside his bed and bursting into tears. Cartman rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, Eric! What are we going to do?" Cried Annie, her face buried in the sheets of the hospital bed.  
  
"Who knows about it?" Snapped Cartman.  
  
"What? Oh. Nobody yet." Answered Annie, lifting her head and wiping her eyes.  
  
"Then what are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm saying the insurance company won't pay for the damage for the window!"  
  
"What!" Cartman yelled, almost popping his stitches. "I work for that God damn insurance company! I'm one of their top sellers for fuck's sake!"  
  
"Well, Mr. Stone called today, and said that they weren't going to pay. And he also said that you were fired!"  
  
"Fired! Why? Well, fuck him!" Yelled Cartman.  
  
"I did. You've got your old job back."  
  
Kyle walked in the front door of his parent's house with a coffee for Ike. Stan waited for him just outside the door.  
  
"Mom!" He called into the house. "Dad? Huh. Guess they're not home. Back in a minute dude." He called back to Stan, who nodded. Kyle went up the stairs to see if Ike was there.   
  
"Ike?" He called. He thought he could head sounds coming from Ike's room.  
  
"You home Ike?" Kyle opened the door to Ike's room and stopped.  
  
"Bebe?" Said Kyle in surprise.  
  
Part 3  
  
Kyle came out of the house in a hurry, smiling and shaking his head. Stan rushed to catch up.  
  
"Well, was anybody home?" Stan asked, catching up. Kyle just nodded, still smiling.  
  
"What?" Asked Stan, concerned.  
  
"Well, let's just say that Ike found his shirt."  
  
"Really? Where was it?" Kyle looked at Stan, then started chuckling.  
  
"What?" Inquired Stan, stumped.  
  
"Do I really need to spell it out for you?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Well, I, oh. Oh! I see. Bebe and, oh. Ok." Stan looked perplexed for a second, then burst out laughing. Kyle smiled, shook his head and punched Stan lightly on the shoulder.  
  
"Come on dude." Kyle said crossing the road.  
  
"Where are we going?" Called Stan, still standing on the kerb.  
  
"Jimbo's!" Kyle called back, beckoning for Stan to follow.  
  
It was a short walk to Jimbo and Ned's tourist ranch, just outside of town. Jimbo and Ned were making quite a living off city people who came to the mountains for an 'authentic' hunting experience. As the boys approached, all was quiet. The fresh, white snow had not yet been marked by foot prints and everything was serene and peaceful. Stan and Kyle walked up to the gate, and were about to push it open when a gunshot ripped through the silence. They both hit the ground.  
  
"Come on you city slicker! That turkey is in your sights! You just gotta shoot it!" The voice echoed around them, and another gunshot sounded.  
  
"Is it even turkey season." Stan asked. Kyle just shrugged.  
  
"Think it's safe to stand up Stan?"  
  
"Dunno dude. This is Jimbo we're talking about."  
  
"True." They tentatively stood up, opened the gate and headed toward the main entrance to the estate. They were almost there when another gunshot rang out, followed by a loud yell and "got it!" Stan and Kyle turned to see Jimbo emerging from the pine forest, followed by a richly attired, proud looking man holding a wet and bloodied turkey carcass.  
  
"Ok Kyle, why are we here?" Asked Stan, not taking his eyes off the guy with the gun.  
  
"Certain things have been bugging me since I got back into town. Tweek's illness, Butter's murdering spree...things our parents haven't exactly been forthcoming about." Replied Kyle, still looking straight ahead at Jimbo and the man, who were yet to spot them.  
  
"So, why come to Jimbo?"  
  
"Because, all our lives, Jimbo has been the man who has told us the truth, and not held anything back from us. I figure if we're going to ask anybody about this shit, it may as well be him."  
  
"Dude, you're not going to try and solve all this stuff like some lame-ass mystery are you?" Before Kyle could answer, Jimbo spotted them.  
  
"Boys! You've come down to the old ranch have you? Come to see your old uncle, huh Stan?" Jimbo boomed cheerfully, obviously glad to see Stan and Kyle.  
  
"I shot a turkey." Said the man, standing next to Jimbo, waving the dead bird in their faces.  
  
"That's great dude." Said Stan, taking a step back.  
  
"So, boys, what do you want to know?" Asked Jimbo, handing Stan and Kyle a mug each.  
  
"Nothing 'complimentary' with this coffee, is there Jimbo?" Asked Stan before picking up his mug.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing." Said Stan, taking a sip of his coffee.  
  
"Oh, 'complimentary.' I got ya! That's why Tweek's coffee is so popular of a Saturday morning!" Chuckled Jimbo, adding sugar to his own mug and stirring it.  
  
"What is it with Tweek, Jimbo?" Asked Kyle, looking at the brew in the mug.  
  
"He's got terret's, or haven't you noticed? I would have thought it would have been pretty obvious!" Answered Jimbo.  
  
"Yeah, duh, but why no medication? No therapy? That kind of mental illness can be effectively treated these days." Said Kyle, sounding every bit the doctor he was.  
  
"Well, he used to be on medication, and had therapy, he pretty much had it under control. But when his parents died, he just lost it. The only thing keeping him going is the coffee shop."  
  
"Jimbo, why did Butters kill his parents and Tweek's parents?" Kyle asked nervously, not sure if he should be asking.  
  
"It wasn't the Mr. Hat thing we made up was it? I mean, we really didn't mean for that rumour to take off like it did. Who knew it would get into the papers?" Stan piped up.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing." He sank into his chair a little.  
  
"Well, you see the Tweeks and the Stotches became friends after you boys graduated from high school. Butters and Tweek became friends as well. They never went to college."  
  
"So, they were friends..." Said Kyle, searching Jimbo's face for answers.  
  
"Yes, great friends. But one day, only a couple of years ago, the boys had a fight. You seem they were both in love with the same girl. She chose Tweek though, and Butters went crazy. He killed Tweek's parents, then his parents, as a revenge I guess. He tried to kill Tweek and the girl, but he was caught and they escaped."  
  
"So, why didn't he go to jail?" Inquired Kyle, engrossed in the story.  
  
"Why don't you ask your father? He was the one who defended him. Got him off scott free, on a technicality." Answered Jimbo, almost bitterly. "Anyway, Butters and Tweek haven't spoken to each other since, and the girl who started it all left town." Jimbo reclined in his chair, indicating the story was over.  
  
"Who was she? I mean, the girl." Asked Stan, finally showing some interest in the story.  
  
"Oh, you know. That smart ass slut..."  
  
"Bebe?" Asked Stan.  
  
"No dude, she left town." Answered Kyle.  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"No, no. Smart girl. Local. What's her face? Home school..."  
  
"Rebecca!" Kyle leaped out of his chair, almost upending the table.  
  
"Yeah. Rebecca Cotswold. That's the one." Jimbo took a sip of coffee, satisfied with the well he had told the story. Kyle shook his head and sat back down. "Rebecca." He said quietly.  
  
"So, uh, Jimbo. She never came back to town?" Said Stan quickly.  
  
"How should I know boys?"  
  
The boys didn't talk on the way back into town, even though they walked side by side. Kyle looked at the ground, and every so often Stan opened his mouth in order to say something witty to cheer Kyle up, but thought better of it and shut up.  
  
"Stan." Kyle finally said, stopping and looking at Stan.  
  
"Yes Kyle!" Said Stan, a little too eagerly.  
  
"I want...I want you to go and see Wendy."  
  
"What...now?"  
  
"No, later. It's just, I don't want you to regret the fact that you two, you know, never made up. That's all."  
  
"Ok dude. I'll go and see her." Stan laid his hand on Kyle's shoulder, and they continued onto Kyle's place. As they neared the house, they thought they could hear screaming.  
  
"Dude, what is that?" Asked Stan, stopping and listening.  
  
"Dunno, although I think we'd better check it out." Answered Kyle. As they neared the house, there was the sound of something shattering, and somebody screaming.  
  
"After all we have done for you!"  
  
"Dude, that's mom! We definitely better check this out!" Said Kyle, quickening his pace.  
  
"Dude, can't miss this!" Said Stan, also quickening his pace.  
  
"To disgrace this family with that, that hooker!" Sheila screamed.  
  
"Mom, it's not..." Ike started.  
  
"Don't you 'mom' me young man!" Sheila boomed.  
  
"Mrs Broflowski..." Bebe cut in.  
  
"You shut your mouth, hooker!" Sheila was beyond reconciling.  
  
"Mom! Dad! Ike! What's going on?!" Kyle burst in the door, followed by an almost snickering Stan, to be confronted with the following scene. Ike and Bebe were standing in the hallway, being bailed up a red faced, teary eyed Sheila. Gerald was sitting nearby in a chair, watching the whole commotion. Nearby was a shattered vase, presumably thrown by Sheila.  
  
"Kyle, look at what your brother is doing! More to the point, look at WHO he is doing! It's a DISGRACE TO THIS VERY FAMILY! Gerald!" Sheila appealed to her apathetic husband. "Do something!"  
  
"Uh, mind your mother..."  
  
"That's right! I am your MOTHER! The woman who raised you! A dagger! A dagger through my heart! My youngest son has betrayed me with, with..." Sheila fell to the floor, almost fainting. Kyle, Gerald and Ike all rolled their eyes, making no attempt to comfort the still squawking Sheila.   
  
"My youngest boy! My dear, sweet baby Ike! What have you done to me?" She sobbed. Gerald got up out of his seat and motioned for Kyle, Ike, Stan and Bebe to leave. He picked up a newspaper and bent down to fan Sheila with it, soothingly mumbling.   
  
"There there honey. No need to get upset."  
  
"Upset!" Sheila harped. "UPSET! It's a wonder I'm not DEAD!"   
  
"God! That was horrible!" Said Ike, shaking his head.  
  
"Dude, could be worse. At least she doesn't use the '20 hors of labour' line on you. That's the worst when she goes on about that!" Answered Kyle.  
  
The group walked down the street, the shrill sounds Sheila ringing in their eyes.  
  
Bebe and Ike held hands as they walked down the main street, following Stan and Kyle.  
  
"Dude." Stan mumbled in Kyle's ear. "What are they doing back there?"  
  
"Do you really want to know?"  
  
"No." As they passed the cemetery, they could hear laughter. They all stopped and looked.  
  
"Hey!" Said Kyle, enraged. "There's some dude laughing in front of Kenny's memorial!"  
  
"What!" Shouted Stan, balling his fists. "He's mocking he memory of our dead friend!" Stan and Kyle marched up to the stranger, who was laughing hysterically. Stan grabbed him by the shoulder and spun his around. They stopped dead and looked at him. He would have been their age, with dirty blonde hair that stuck up in all directions. A wave of recognition rippled over his face as he looked at the boys. He smiled at them, and started laughing again.  
  
"Hey!" Yelled Kyle. "HEY!" He yelled again, enraged when the stranger just laughed harder.  
  
"HEY! Who the hell are you to laugh at our dead friend's memory?" Boomed Stan. The stranger wiped tears of laughter from his face and took a few deep breaths, still chuckling. "Well?" Demanded Stan, balling his fists, ready to fight."  
  
"Dude.' Began the stranger. "I'm Kenny McCormick."  
  
Part 4  
  
"Kenny?" Kyle looked at the blonde man, who nodded and smiled weakly.  
  
"I don't believe it." Said Stan, shaking his head. "You're not Kenny! You're not my f-f-f-friend!"  
  
"What?" Said the stranger looking at him. Stan shook his head and backed away.  
  
"No. No! NOOOOO!" Yelled Stan, turning and running blindly down the street. Kyle, Ike, Bebe and the stranger watched Stan pelting along the pavement.  
  
"Huh. So, dude. You wanna beer?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Sure." Answered the stranger. They all walked off in the direction on Hap's bar.  
  
Annie Cartman and the two Cartman children waited in the hall for the doctor to leave Eric's room. The children were running around, hitting each other and any other unfortunate passers-by. Both children, Brooke, who was nine, and Hank who was two years younger, looked very much like their father. Brown eyes, chubby bodies and permanent frowns plastered on their evil little faces. They called to each other up and down the hall.  
  
"Hank! You stupid dick!"  
  
"Shut up you cock sucker!"  
  
"Fag!"  
  
"Dyke!"  
  
"MOM!" Annie could do nothing but smile at passers by who threw her disapproving looks.  
  
"Uh, my little muffins, don't you think you should calm down?" She asked in a voice that dripped honey but quivered with a fear of safety.  
  
"NO!" They answered in union.  
  
"Ahem. Excuse me." A man in a white coat, Eric's doctor, was standing in front of Annie.  
  
"Doctor, look, I can't control these little shits, so please don't ask me to do anything!" Annie whispered in desperation through gritted teeth, grabbing onto the doctor's coat.  
  
"What? No, I just wanted to tell you that you could see your husband now." He replied, looking at Annie as if she were some sort of desperate woman because, frankly, she was.  
  
"Thanks doctor. Kids! Time to see daddy." She called shakily.  
  
"About friggen time!" Exclaimed Brooke, dropping her brother and stepping over him to get to the door. Hank stood up and cursed quietly and brushed himself off.  
  
Stan ran down the street, oblivious to where he was headed. He ran until his legs burned and his lungs felt as if they would burst. He finally stopped, leaning on a fence as he gasped and spluttered for air. As he slowly recovered, he looked up to see where he was, and realised that he was only about two houses away from the Testaburger's. He saw a red sports car with tinted windows and a show room shine parked next to an old ford, presumably the family car.  
  
"Huh. Wendy must still be there." He said aloud to himself. He limped and puffed his way down the street, holding his side and suppressing the urge to vomit.  
  
Kyle, Ike, Bebe and the alleged Kenny sat in a booth at Hap's and waited for the waitress, Lizzy, to serve them. There was an uncomfortable silence as the group regarded the stranger who claimed to be their departed friend.  
  
"So." Said Kyle, breaking the silence. "You are saying that you are Kenny. The same Kenny who died of a muscular disease, was cremated and possessed Cartman and now you turn out to be alive." The stranger thought about this for a second, the nodded. "Ok." Said Kyle. "Start explaining." The stranger smiled nervously.  
  
"Four beers." He said. Kyle crumpled brow, puzzled, then looked up to see Lizzy standing, waiting for their orders.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Four beers thanks Lizzy." Said Kyle.  
  
"Sure thing." Said Lizzy.  
  
"Well..." Said Kyle looking back at the man.  
  
"Well, uh, you see, I can explain all of that, well some of it at least. I have no idea about the possession thing, ok? But, you see, I was kidnapped."  
  
"Kidnapped?" Kyle, Ike and Bebe said in unison.  
  
"Yes, well, you see..."  
  
"Here you are guys. Four beers." Said Lizzy, placing their drinks on the table, smiling.  
  
"Thanks." Said Kyle hurriedly. Lizzy frowned and walked away. "Well?" He said, turning back to the man.  
  
"Ok. Well, remember wen we joined NAMBLA?"  
  
"Who could forget?" Mumbled Kyle.  
  
"Well, anyway, as you know, all those old men were sent to jail. But one of them was released soon after, on a technicality or something. He started sending me letters and, uh, pictures. I told my parents, but they told me not to worry, but it's not like they could do anything about it anyway. I told Barbrady but, well, what good is he huh? So, anyway, I guess he had been plotting this for a while. One day he drove up in a white panel van, bundled me in, and we were gone. I later learned he replaced me with another little boy who had a terminal illness and didn't have long to live. I knew that when that boy died, nobody would even think to look for me. And I also knew that my parents would probably cremate me, seeing as that way they wouldn't have to pay for a big funeral. So, that's where I've been for the last 20 years. Locked in a dirty old man's basement." He sighed, and took a sip of beer. Kyle, Ike and Bebe stared at him, agape.  
  
"I don't know why he didn't let me go when I grew up. All I know is two months ago, he died. I have spent that time since trying to get home. I mean, I didn't even know where I was."  
  
"Where were you?" Asked Bebe.  
  
"Mexico." Answered Kenny, taking another sip of beer.  
  
"Ohmygaawd!" Exclaimed Bebe, suddenly grabbing Ike's arm.  
  
"I know." Said Ike soothingly. "Mexico. It's horrible."  
  
"No." She said rolling her eyes. "Look who's back in town!" She said, pointing.  
  
"Wha..." Kyle looked to where Bebe was pointing and spotted who she was looking at. At the bar sat a beautiful woman, with long, curly brown hair and a somewhat nervous expression on her face. She turned and noticed Kyle. Their eyes locked, and Kyle realised who she was.  
  
"Rebecca." He said, slowly rising to his feet.  
  
Brooke climbed onto the hospital bed and hugged her father. Hank pulled her off and stepped on her in order to get onto the bed himself. Brooke stood up and thumped Hank in the back. He rolled off the bed, hollering in pain.  
  
"Slut!" He yelled. Brooke went to kick him in the stomach. He grabbed her foot and her. She slammed to the ground screaming "I'll kill you for that you little fucker!" People going past peeked into the room to see what was making all the noise. The children started to fight, punching each other and shouting obscenities. The commotion eventually bought a nurse.  
  
"What is going in here?" She asked, crossing her arms. Nobody seemed to pay any attention to her though. Annie sat in a chair near Eric's bed, Eric picked at the IV in his arm and the children wrestled on the floor, bumping into and knocking over medical equipment.  
  
"Excuse me!" The nurse said loudly. Annie turned and smiled apologetically. Eric glanced up briefly and sneered.  
  
"Why aren't you doing anything?" The nurse asked. trying to talk above the noise the children were making.  
  
"They don't have to listen to you." Replied Eric, looking at the nurse. Annie just shook her head.  
  
"I see." Said the nurse, raising one eyebrow.  
  
"I'm sorry!" Burst out Annie suddenly, standing up and knocking the chair over. "They're little bastards, I know! They're just like their father! Fat and spoilt! I don't even know what I'm doing here! And I know that fat fuck is cheating on me with that slut of a secretary!" Everyone in the room looked at her. Even Brooke and Hank stopped fighting and looked at her.  
  
"What!" Cartman yelled. "How did you kno...I mean, what makes you think I'm cheating on you with Janice?"  
  
"Please! She's as dumb as shit, she can't type or file! Besides Eric, I'm not as stupid as you think I am!"  
  
The nurse nodded her head.  
  
"What are you looking at?" Snapped Cartman.  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just that the doctor says you can go home tomorrow." Said the nurse.  
  
Stan stood in front of the Testaburger's house, deciding on weather or not he should ring the doorbell. They has a past, there was no doubt about that. But did they have a future? Stan went to ring the doorbell, but thought better of it. He turned to leave, but couldn't. He was in this state of indecisiveness when Wendy walked up to the house, dressed in a power suit and holding a leather handbag, despite the fact it was a weekend.  
  
"Stan!" She exclaimed, looking at him in surprise and anger.  
  
"Wendy!" He jumped and looked around at her.  
  
"Stan, what are you doing out here?"  
  
"Well, I, I was looking for you actually." He answered, smiling at her. Wendy's face softened, and she smiled back.  
  
"Well, looks like you found me, huh." She said, taking a cigarette from her bag, lighting it, taking a drag and exhaling heavily.  
  
"You're still smoking then. Huh, you've been smoking since high school."  
  
"Yeah, well." She turned away.  
  
"Ever considered quitting?" He asked.  
  
"No, not really." She answered shortly.  
  
"You always used to say you could quit whenever you wanted. Remember?" He challenged.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's a bit more difficult than that. I'm, well, kinda addicted." She said, taking another drag. Stan rolled his eyes and walked over to Wendy. In one swift movement he plucked the cigarette from her mouth and threw it to the ground, stepping on it. Wendy glared as Stan incredulously and opened her bag to get another cigarette. Stan grabbed the whole packet out of her hand and tipped all the cigarettes onto the ground. Wendy gasped as he did this, balling her hands into fists. She glared at Stan.  
  
"Are you crazy! I just bought that packet! It was almost full! Do you have any idea how much cigarettes cost these days?" She yelled.  
  
"So. You'll be saving money." He said, smiling. Wendy fumed as Stan stood there smiling. She was dumbstruck. Suddenly, threw her arms around him and started kissing him passionately. He lifted her up, carried her over to the red car and opened the door to the back seat. They both jumped in and closed the door behind them.  
  
Part 5  
  
The shadows grew long as Kyle walked out of the bar. He blinked away tears as he walked down the street.  
  
"Kyle!" Rebecca called from the door of the bar. Kyle turned and looked at her. He had sat at the booth for hours without going over to her and talking to her, on the advice of Bebe.  
  
"Don't do it Kyle." She had said to him. "She's a temptress, and trouble follows her wherever she goes." Kyle turned these words over in his head as Rebecca walked up to him.  
  
"Kyle. My God. It's great to see you again." She said, reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. Kyle pulled away.  
  
"What's wrong?" She said, looking concerned.  
  
"It's just, uh, you know." He said, trying not to mention the Tweak and Butters scandal.  
  
"What?" She asked.  
  
"I, uh, just, um, thought that, you know, left town." Kyle stammered nervously.  
  
"Why would you think that?" She said, her tone suddenly becoming harsh."  
  
"Oh, it's just that..."  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"I heard it around town, that's all." Rebecca looked at Kyle who was trying to avoid eye contact with her.  
  
"You heard it? Well, that's hardly a basis not to talk to me, is it? What exactly did you hear, just out of interest?"  
  
"About..." Kyle took a deep breath to steady himself and continued. "About Tweek and Butters." Rebecca looked shocked, but Kyle continued anyway. "That Tweek and Butters were in love with you, and because of you Butters killed his parents and Tweek's parents. And then you left town." He breathed out and looked at Rebecca. She looked at him, shaking her head, and then burst into tears.  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Said Kyle, putting his arms around Rebecca. He held her close to him and she buried her face in his chest and wept.  
  
Stan couldn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke in the European-style sports car, half naked, his head resting on a pile of legal briefs, it was almost dusk. Wendy was naked and resting on his chest, snoring lightly. He considered waking her, but thought better of it. He looked at his surroundings and sighed. He didn't know just how Wendy would react when she woke up. He never knew how Wendy would react to anything. Instead, he occupied his mind with the thought that he was lying in one of the first sports cars he had ever been in that had a back seat.  
  
"Hey." He heard a whisper. he looked down to see Wendy smiling at him.  
  
"Hey." He replied, brushing her cheek lightly with his fingers.  
  
"How long have I been asleep?" She asked.  
  
"I dunno." He answered. "I just woke up. But it's almost dark..."  
  
"What?" She cried, jumping up suddenly and hitting her head on the roof of the car. Stan tried not to laugh.  
  
"It's not funny." She said, rubbing her head and glaring at him.  
  
"Who's laughing?" He replied. She rested her head on his chest and he stroked her hair.  
  
"Stan." Wendy asked."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you remember the day we broke up?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah I do." Stan still winced when he thought of that day and the fight they had.  
  
"Well, I remember." She said. "It was the first time I had seen you in months. I was looking forward to it as well, law school was so hard, and I was so lonely." She said sadly.  
  
"Yeah, I remember too. I had spent the whole day on the bus, travelling to see you." Said Stan, casting his mind back.  
  
"What happened that day, Stan? What happened to us?" She said tearfully, looking at him.  
  
"Wendy, we both knew it was over long before then, it's just neither of us had the heart to say anything. I know I didn't."  
  
"But we could have worked things out!" She pleaded.  
  
"No, I don't think so. We were spending all our time working out the relationship, and not enough time enjoying it. I was unhappy, and I bet you were as well." Wendy nodded and sighed. "Wendy, you know I'm kinda living with Roxy now?"  
  
"No. I didn't know that." She said bitterly. "But now that you mention it, she's the reason we broke up, right? You were fucking her while I was earning a degree." She snarled.  
  
"Wait, what?" Said Stan, puzzled.  
  
"Yeah, I bet you were cheating on me with that whore!" She yelled.  
  
"No! I've never cheated on you Wendy! I've never cheated on anybody..."  
  
"Ah ha! You're cheating on Roxy!" She said triumphantly.  
  
"You don't even like Roxy! Besides, she's off fucking somebody else right now as well!" Stan yelled, exasperated.  
  
"But I'm sure she'd love to hear all about his!" She growled.  
  
"Go ahead! Tell her! She won't care! Unlike some, she's not a possessive bitch!" Stan yelled. Wendy gasped and opened the door. She got out, slammed the door and stormed off. Stan scrambled to the door, opened it and yelled.   
  
"Some clothes would be useful!" Wendy's scream could be heard throughout the town of South Park.  
  
Kyle held Rebecca outside the bar until the sun set and the first stars appeared in the darkening sky. She eventually looked up at him, her face streaked and splotchy.  
  
"I should tell you what happened." She said, taking his hand and walking.  
  
"You see, I came back to town a couple of years after finishing my English Literature PhD, when my mother got sick. Everybody from our graduating class had left. Everybody except Tweek and Butters. I saw them every day I guess, just around town. I genuinely didn't know that either of them had feelings for me, let alone that they were actually fighting over me. My mother died, and I left town after the funeral. My dad sold the house, he couldn't bear to stay in this town." Rebecca sighed, satisfied that her side of the story had been told.  
  
"People say, well, not that I don't believe you, but they say that you, uh, had an affair with Tweek."  
  
"Affair?" Rebecca shrieked. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. "Are those the exact words that were used?"  
  
"Well, no. People say that you 'chose' Tweek over Butters."  
  
"Well, the night of the funeral we were all down at Hap's. Butters left early, but Tweek stayed until I did. I was drunk and he offered to walk me home. It seemed innocent enough, so I let him."  
  
"And..."  
  
"And nothing. He walked me home, I guess I kissed him on the cheek when I got there, but I definitely didn't have sex with him." She laughed. Kyle shook his head as if he was having trouble believing her.  
  
"Kyle, you have to believe me!" She pleaded.  
  
"I have to walk. By myself." Kyle walked off, leaving Rebecca by herself, shivering in the cold night air.  
  
Stan fumed as he stormed down the street. Now he remembered why he had broken up with Wendy - She was an absolute control freak! He looked up at the dark sky that was clouding over and screamed "Wendy! You bitch!"  
  
Kyle looked behind him - he thought he could hear Stan's voice. He shrugged and continued walking. He sighed heavily as the sky became increasingly cloudy and a few delicate flakes of snow began to fall. He pulled his coat around tight around his shivering body in an attempt to keep warm. He was confused about Rebecca. He didn't know if she was telling the truth, but he did know how gossip in small country towns can escalate and reputations can form. He walked with his hands in his pockets and his head down. That's why he didn't see the man coming the opposite way down the footpath until he bumped into him.  
  
"Visiting hours are over, Miss. I'm sorry, but you can't see him. The nurse told the blonde women who asked where Eric Cartman's room was. "I'm sorry Miss, but the patients need their sleep." Said the nurse, going back to filling in forms and all but ignoring the woman.  
  
"I have to see him!" She whispered in desperation.  
  
"Why?" Said the nurse. looking up.  
  
"Because, I, uh, I'm his wife!" She said desperately.  
  
"Oh, hello Annie!" Said the nurse looking at her. "My, you've changed since you were here this afternoon! You've bleached your hair, grown some bigger tits and lost some I.Q points." She said in a sugar-coated sarcastic tone.  
  
"Actually." Said the blonde realising that the 'wife' excuse wouldn't work. "I'm his secretary, Janice. I have some, uh, work briefs for him. Uh, real important stuff. This can't wait until tomorrow." She said rather unconvincingly. The nurse looked at her with one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Work briefs?" She said.  
  
"Yes!" Said Janice, nodding.  
  
"Hm. Janice. Well, I suppose so." Said the nurse, getting up and walking down the hall. "Well." She said to Janice. "Are you coming or not?" Janice jumped slightly, as if startled, and bounced down the hall after the nurse.  
  
Ike, Bebe and Kenny were still had Hap's bar, getting increasingly drunk. None of them seemed to notice that Kyle was not there. They had moved on from beer to shots of Vodka.  
  
"Here's to captivity!" Said Kenny, holding up a shot glass. Bebe and Ike held up glasses as well.  
  
"To captivity!" They said, downing the shots.  
  
"What should we drink to now?" Asked Bebe.  
  
"We should drink to." Ike picked up another shot glass and smiled at Bebe. "We should drink to us."  
  
"To us." She said holding up a glass.  
  
"To you guys." Said Kenny picking up another glass. They downed their shots and Kenny smiled.  
  
"What?" Asked Ike.  
  
"Nothing. I was just thinking about Kelly." Ike shook his head and looked puzzled.  
  
"Oh, wait. I remember her. The little girl you were dating when you were, like, eight. You met on that gay kiddie bus singing thing." Said Bebe sluggishly.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What's the matter, you miss her? All this talk of love got you sentimental has it?" Asked Bebe sympathetically.  
  
"No, I don't. Not really. It's just, I forget what it's like, you know, to be around people. I mean, I've been away for almost 20 years I think. Feels like longer sometimes." Said Kenny, knocking over the empty shot glasses.  
  
"But, you're ok, aren't you? I mean, you're not..."  
  
"Crazy" Kenny finished Ike's sentence.  
  
"Yeah. Crazy." Said Ike. Kenny smiled.  
  
"Well, are you?" Asked Bebe. Kenny just shrugged and smiled again. Ike and Bebe shifted uncomfortably, as it suddenly occurred to both of them that Kenny had never revealed how his kidnapper had died.  
  
"Watch where you're going!" Snapped Stan at the man he bumped into.  
  
"Sorry guy." Answered Kyle.  
  
"Kyle?"  
  
"Stan?" They looked at each other for a minute. "Dude. Where have you been all day?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Uh well...actually, I was having sex with Wendy in the back of her sports car."  
  
"Dude, are you serious?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Yup." Answered Stan.  
  
"Oh." Said Kyle, shrugging. "Any good?"  
  
"Yeah, up until the part she got pissy with me and started yelling at me about old times." Said Stan rolling his eyes.  
  
"Shit dude. Anyway, do you wanna hear about this Kenny thing?" Said Kyle, changing the subject.  
  
"Yeah, so who is this guy? What did he tell you?" Said Stan walking. Kyle followed.  
  
"Well, he claimed he was kidnapped and replaced by a kid who had a terminal illness."  
  
"Who kidnapped him?" Asked Stan.  
  
"One of those NAMBLA sickos." Replied Kyle.  
  
"Ok. So where's he been all these years?"  
  
"Locked in a basement somewhere in Mexico."  
  
"Mexico? Shit. How did he get out?"  
  
"The guy who held him hostage died."  
  
"Died? How?" Stan asked. Kyle stopped walking and thought for a second.  
  
"You know, it never occurred to me to actually ask." Kyle said.  
  
"So is Kenny...you know?" Asked Stan quietly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Strange?" Whispered Stan.  
  
"What, you mean more so than usual?" Joked Kyle.  
  
"I'm serious, 20 years locked in a Mexican basement is bound to make anybody seem strange." Said Stan, concerned.  
  
"Well, he can't be as strange as Butters." Said Kyle, starting to walk again.  
  
"True." Answered Stan, following. "So Kyle, why are you out here in the cold anyway? Walking off the alcohol?"  
  
"Not exactly. I just needed some time alone."  
  
"What the fuck does that mean?" Said Stan.  
  
"I saw Rebecca..."  
  
"Oh, ok. That explains it. So? What happened?"  
  
"Nothing. She told me her side of the story and..."  
  
"Kyle, listen to me." Stan said, grabbing Kyle by the shoulders. "You'll never hear me say this again, but, you need to have sex with her."  
  
"Ok. I agree to that. Out of interest, what is your reasoning?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Because, you're whining way to much about her! Be a man Kyle! Take charge! And to hell with what your mother will think!"  
  
"Ok. But, are you just saying all that shit because you don't want me to know how much Wendy gets to you?" Kyle said brushing Stan off and walking.  
  
"It's that obvious?" Asked Stan. Kyle smiled and nodded. They continued walking until the reached Rebecca's old house. The house was sold to a rich family after Rebecca's mother had died, and was now a holiday home. It was empty as Kyle stood at the front gate, looking up at it.  
  
"Ok. I'm ready." He said.  
  
"For what?" Stan turned his head and looked at Kyle staring at the house.  
  
"To see her again." Kyle walked away, leaving Stan alone in front of the house, snow falling around him.  
  
Janice kissed Eric passionately when the nurse had left. He pulled her off.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asked.  
  
"Wrong? Nothing. It's just that, well, Annie's leaving me." Janice looked at him.  
  
"Oh. Really?" She said uncomfortably.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Wow! That, uh, that's great!" She said, trying to sound enthusiastic.  
  
"And you know what else."  
  
"No." She said, almost frightened.  
  
"She wants me to have the kids! Full custody! He said excitedly.  
  
"What's so great about that?" Janice asked in shock.  
  
"What, uh, what do you mean? They're my precious children." Said Eric defensively.  
  
"Precious? They're little shits Eric! I've only met them once and I wanted to kill them! That's why Annie doesn't want them!" Eric looked crushed.  
  
"Well, then I guess you don't want to leave with me then?"  
  
"No! I could never live with you! You're, like, a selfish bastard!" She yelled at him.  
  
"So, what are you saying?"  
  
"I'm saying it's over!" She yelled, storming out of the room. Eric blinked and reclined on the pillows. For the first time since he had married Annie, he felt alone.  
  
Part 6  
  
Sunday morning dawned with little ceremony. The fresh snow blanketed the ground, pristine and unmarked. The birds sang their morning chorus, their voices ringing out over the land. Small animals ventured out in search of food. Just another perfect morning in a small morning town. Well, with one exception. Kenny McCormick stumbled along the streets when he was startled by the appearance of the sun. This surprised him, and he realised he had stayed out all night. He took a swig of the Jack Daniel's bottle that was in his hand, the threw it against the ground, scowling, upon realising it was empty. He had left the bar some time in the early hours when it closed, and realised he had nowhere to go.  
  
"They're asking a lot of questions." He said to himself. He crossed the railway line and headed to the wrong side of the tracks. He reached his old house, and found that little had changed. Rusted cars were spread out on the lawn, there was stray animals and garbage was strewn everywhere. The smell was the same as well. The smell of rotting vegetables, animal poop, gasoline and sour milk. He battled as to whether or not he should go in. He wanted to, but knew that there was no way anybody would be awake yet. He sighed and walked up to the front door. But instead of knocking, he curled up on the front stoop and passed out.  
  
Kyle woke up in his own bed with a headache and little recognition of the night before. He rubbed his head and tried to remember what he had done.  
  
"Hey baby." He sat bolt upright, throwing the covers off as he did.  
  
"What?" He said looking around. He looked at the doorway where Rebecca stood holding a plate of bacon and eggs. Behind her Sheela stood, bursting with joy. Rebecca gave the plate to Kyle and climbed into bed. Sheela clapped and smiled. Kyle sat in bed, stunned, with the plate in one hand and a knife and fork in the other hand.  
  
"Aren't you going to eat Kyle honey?" Asked Rebecca, looking at him lovingly. He glanced over at Sheela and she nodded at him.  
  
"Ok." Said Kyle, setting his breakfast on the bedside table.  
  
"What's wrong booby?" Asked Sheela.  
  
"What's going on here?" He asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" Inquired Rebecca.  
  
"I mean, mom, you just about killed Ike and Bebe. But when you find out about Rebecca and I, you're virtually making wedding plans!"  
  
"Well Kyle. Rebecca's different." Said Sheela.  
  
"How?" He challenged.  
  
"Well, she's successful, and beautiful. She's up to our standards. She doesn't have a...reputation."  
  
"What about Tweek..."  
  
"Oh please! That's just an urban legend!" Kyle looked at Sheela and then looked at Rebecca. He knew he had to make a decision right then and there. He thought about it for a second, and then picked up the plate of bacon and eggs. He sighed, and started eating.  
  
Eric was packing his pyjamas into his suitcase. He sighed as the nurse came into his room.  
  
"No answer." She told him. Eric nodded.  
  
"Ok. Do you know any good hotels around here?" He asked humbly.  
  
"Why don't you stay with Janice?" The nurse asked, raising one eyebrow, crossing her arms and leaning on the door frame.  
  
"She, uh, doesn't want me." The nurse tried not to smile.  
  
"Try the Super 7 Hotel." She said. Eric nodded.  
  
"Do I need to sign papers or anything..."  
  
"Yes. Come with me." She gestured for him to follow her down the hall. He clipped up his suitcase and followed her.  
  
Stan woke up relatively early for him. He had come home last night and gone straight to bed. He got straight to bed. He got dressed and went downstairs. Sharon and Randy looked surprised to see him.  
  
"You're up?" Said Sharon as he sat down at the table. Stan just grunted in reply. Sharon smiled and put a cup of coffee in front of him.  
  
"So." Said Randy, peering from behind his newspaper. "How's Wendy?" Stan took a sip of coffee and grunted again. "That good huh?" Said Randy.  
  
"Oh, Stan honey, don't you worry about her. By the way, Roxy called, I'm surprised the phone didn't wake you, but you should call her back." Stan nodded and finished his coffee. He moved into the hallway, where the phone was, and dialled.  
  
"Hello?" Came the answer after a few rings.  
  
"Roxy?" Croaked Stan, his voice still hoarse from sleep.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You rang?"  
  
"Yeah. I got an interesting call last night."  
  
"Interesting?"  
  
"Yeah. Wendy Testaburger." Stan could hear the mild amusement in Roxy's voice.  
  
"Heh." He grunted. Roxy laughed. "Rox, I'm sorry. I just..."  
  
"What, do you think I'm pissed at you?"  
  
"Aren't you? I mean, aren't we..."  
  
"I didn't think we were." She answered. Stan sighed.  
  
"So, what did you tell Wendy then?"  
  
That we are friends who have sex sometimes, but never when you two were dating."  
  
"Did she believe you?"  
  
"Dunno babe." Stan sighed again. "What's wrong Stan?"  
  
"I dunno. It's just this whole Wendy thing. We had something good, but all this shit happened and...I have no idea what I'm doing."  
  
"Perhaps you should just talk to her?" Roxy suggested.  
  
"Yeah. Thanks Roxy. Bye."  
  
"Bye Stan." Stan hung up the phone and went back into the dining room.  
  
"So?" Said Randy, folding up the newspaper and looking at Stan.  
  
"I think I'm gunna go and see Wendy." Said Stan, trying to sound casual.  
  
"Ok. But have some breakfast first." Said Sharon putting a bowl of cereal in front of him. Stan sat down and ate.  
  
Mrs McCormick just about fell over the man lying on her stoop. He woke and looked up at her.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"Who are you!" She screamed.  
  
"Don't you recognise me?" He asked, grabbing her leg.  
  
"Get off me!" She yelled, panicking.  
  
"But mommy!" He wailed.  
  
"Stuart!" Mrs. McCormick cried.  
  
"What?" Came the sluggish reply from inside.  
  
"There's a crazy person! He's trying to kill me Stuart!" She screamed, struggling. There was the sound of rushed footsteps from inside the house, and then a figure smashed through the window. It was Stuart. He grabbed Kenny and wrestled him to the ground.  
  
"Dad!" He cried.  
  
"Our son's dead!" Yelled Stuart, pinning Kenny to the ground.  
  
"Dad, I..." Stuart forced his sleeve in Kenny's mouth to stop him talking.  
  
"Mrmph mrr fma!" Kenny mumbled. Stuart stopped, as did Mrs. McCormick.  
  
"Kenny?" Mrs. McCormick looked down at him.  
  
"Mrrmph!" Answered Kenny.  
  
"Kenny!" Cried Stuart, letting him up. Kenny Stood up and dusted himself off.  
  
"Yeah..." He said tentatively.  
  
"How?" Asked Mrs. McCormick, shaking her head in disbelief.  
  
"Can I come in first?" Asked Kenny.  
  
"Yeah. Sure son!" Said Stuart. He lead his son and his wife inside.  
  
"Well, do you know when he'll be back Sharon?"  
  
"No, I'm afraid I don't Kyle"  
  
"Ok. I just wanted to know if he's getting a ride to Denver with me?"  
  
"Well, I'll ask him when he gets back, that is if he doesn't see you first."  
  
"Thanks Sharon." Kyle put the phone down and turned to Rebecca who had sneaked up on him while he was on the phone.  
  
"You're leaving?" She pouted.  
  
"Yeah, I have to get back to the clinic. God know how the others would do without me, it gets pretty busy." He ran his fingers through his thick, curly red hair. Rebecca smiled.  
  
"You won't forget me will you?" She asked.  
  
"No, I won't." She stopped smiling and looked at his seriously.  
  
"Kyle, I...uh..."  
  
"Hey, did Ike and Bebe come home last night?" He said, cutting her off.  
  
"No, they've disappeared. I think they jumped a train somewhere. But Kyle, I need to..."  
  
"What! They did what!"  
  
"Kyle. They can look after themselves! But I need to tell you this! Kyle, I think I love you." She said, looking into his eyes.  
  
"Really. Uh, that's great babe. I need to..." Kyle started.  
  
"I know, I know. Time to think." Kyle nodded and headed out the door.  
  
Eric knocked at his own front door. His key didn't work, Annie must have changed the locks. Brooke answered the door and looked up at her father solemnly.  
  
"Brooke honey. Is mommy home?"  
  
"Yeah." Brooke answered.  
  
"Well can I see her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?  
  
"You're in such shit dad. Cheating on her? She's never gunna fucking forgive you."  
  
"That's ok. I'll have you guys to keep me company." He said excitedly.  
  
"I don't think so." Brooke said, shaking her head.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can you cook?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Then you're of no use to me." Answered Brooke, closing the door. Eric stood, stunned. He walked around the back of the house and noticed a figure moving in the upper story window.  
  
"Annie!" He called. She opened the window and looked down at him. "Annie!" Cartman fell to his knees. "ANNIE!"  
  
"Fuck off Eric." Annie called down to him and closed the window. Eric stayed kneeling in the snow, looking up at the window, his knees getting wet and his eyes filling with tears.  
  
Stan sat across from Wendy, looking intently into his cup of coffee.  
  
"Milk? Sugar? Cream?" Wendy asked, breaking the silence.  
  
"No." Answered Stan. The silence fell over them again, hanging in the air like a stagnant rag.  
  
"Stan." Wendy took a deep breath. "Stan, I really miss you."  
  
"I miss you too Wendy." Said Stan, smiling.  
  
"I mean, I'm sorry. I was a real bitch."  
  
"Yeah, you were." Wendy shot Stan a dark look. "But it's just because you cared to much. I know." Wendy relaxed and smiled.  
  
"So, what's next?" She asked. "For us?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Wanna move to L.A with me?" Asked Wendy.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean, not today. But soon. I could get you into a really good film school..."  
  
"Do you think you could?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Sure!" Answered Wendy.  
  
"But, do you think we could have a future?"  
  
"Sure. Why not?" She said, smiling at Stan. "You could make a new like for yourself in L.A. Start over." Stan thought for a moment.  
  
"Ok. I've always been up for a challenge. But I'll be going back to New York for a while, to set my affairs in order. Which reminds me, I gotta go find Kyle!" He stood up, kissed Wendy on the cheek and left.  
  
Kenny had just finished telling his harrowing tale to his parents. They looked at him.  
  
"No, really. What happened?" Stuart asked, looking at him.  
  
"No, I'm seriously. That's what really happened."  
  
"Yeah, but it's not like the guy would just keel over and die like that!"  
  
"Ok. The kidnapping thing, that's for real. But, I haven't been exactly forthcoming about the demise of my captor."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I lied about how he died."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Ok. It was my 19th birthday. He bought me a piece of cake, and let me out of my cage so I could eat it. I grabbed the spoon off the plate and stabbed him in the neck. I was sent to jail, for about 5 years, but I appealed the decision and let out. They decided him keeping me in a cage for 10 years may have contributed to me killing him. I spent a while wandering around, trying to muster the courage to come home. But it's not all bad. I got a bit of an education in prison." His parents looked at him, agape.  
  
"Well, I think a drink is in order." Said Stuart, getting up.  
  
"I'll call the police Eric!" Called Annie when he refused to move.  
  
"So? Call them!" He called back childishly.  
  
"Ok, so maybe I'll tell them just who set the trap the day of the memorial. Your life will be over Eric."  
  
"It already is over." He said to himself. Annie stepped away from the window, just as Brooke and Hank stepped up to the window.   
  
"Hey daddy!" Brooke called down to him. Eric looked up, smiled, and waved at them.  
  
"You fat fuck." Said Hank. The smile faded from Eric's face as he realised Hank was holding a water balloon, so was Brooke. They pelted him with water balloons for a while.  
  
"Where the hell are you getting all of them?" He called up to them.  
  
"Kids, I filled some more water balloons for you." He heard Annie say. She looked down at him, laughed and left again.  
  
"Thanks mom!" Called the kids as she left. Cartman was very wet and cold by the time the police car arrived. Officer Craig stepped out of the car, strode over to Cartman, dragged him up and slapped the handcuffs on him.  
  
"Eric Cartman, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent..." Craig read Eric his rights as he threw him into the police car and drove away.  
  
"So, kids." Said Annie to Hank and Brooke. "Who wants ice cream?" The kids cheered as all three of them ran downstairs.  
  
Stan helped Kyle pack the car.  
  
"We'd better get going soon dude." Said Kyle, looking at his watch.  
  
"Ok. What are you going to do about Rebecca?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Well, I'm going to go home. I don't know if it's going to work out. I think we'll just date for a while and see what happens. She kinda shits me though. How about you and Wendy?"  
  
"I think I'm gunna move to L.A with her." Replied Stan.  
  
"Dude, do you think that's a good idea?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Yeah. I'm going to film school again. Hopefully I won't get kicked out again!"  
  
"Cool. I know how much you wanted to make films." Said Kyle smiling. Stan turned too see Kenny walking towards them.  
  
"Go ahead." Said Kyle. Stan nodded and went up to Kenny.  
  
"Hey dude." Said Kenny holding out his hand.  
  
"Hi." Said Stan shaking his hand. "I'm sorry about the way I acted yesterday."  
  
"That's ok dude. I mean I kinda came back from the dead, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah. So, what are you going to do now?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Stay in South Park I guess." Answered Kenny. Stan nodded.  
  
"Well, it was good to see you again."  
  
"You to dude." They shook hands, and Kenny pulled Stan in for a hug. They both laughed as Kenny walked away, waving."  
  
"Stan!" Kyle called. "We're ready to go!" Stan watched Kenny until he reached the end of the street, then called back to Kyle. "Ok dude. Ready." He climbed in the car just as Kyle started the engine.  
  
"Ready to do dude?" Kyle asked.  
  
"Dude, just get me the fuck outta here!" Kyle laughed and pulled out of his parents driveway. Stan looked out the window at the streets he knew so well as a kid.  
  
"Dude." Said Kyle. "What a fucked up weekend."  
  
"I know, huh." Answered Stan.  
  
"It's almost like, you know, those stupid stories people put on the net." Said Kyle.  
  
"Yeah, but who'd be fucked up enough to think up something like this?"  
  
"Yeah, you're not wrong there! Anyway, sure beats another boring weekend at home."  
  
"Yeah." Agreed Stan.  
  
Epilogue  
  
6 months later...  
  
Stan stood with Roxy in the living room if Wendy's apartment.  
  
"I'll be ready in a minute!" She called. Stan smiled and rolled his eyes. Wendy came out of the bathroom.  
  
"Ok. Ready." Stan walked over to her and took her arm.  
  
"Stan, I don't need and help. God, I'm pregnant, not crippled!" Stan let go of her arm and backed away.  
  
"When in this Peter going to get here anyway?" Asked Roxy, fidgeting and jumping from one foot to the other.  
  
"Soon." Answered Wendy, checking her cell phone to make sure it was charged.  
  
"H knows about the arrangement, right?"  
  
"I, uh..." Before Wendy could answer, the intercom at the door buzzed. She made her way over as fast as a 6 month pregnant woman could.  
  
"Come on up Peter." She said, pressing the button and talking into the intercom.  
  
"You got it babe." Came the crackled reply.  
  
"Personally," began Roxy, "I think this Peter has a think for pregnant chicks." Wendy wasn't listening, instead she was making a big fuss of checking her make up. The door swung open about five minutes later. A tanned, middle aged blonde man strolled in.  
  
"Well, hello hello!" He greeted everyone cheerfully and kissed Wendy on the cheek.  
  
"Peter, this is Stan and Roxy. Stan, Roxy, this is Peter." Stan shook Peter's hand.  
  
"Stan. Oh, right. The father of the baby. So, how's that big film project going then?"  
  
"Great. It's, uh, great to finally work with Terrence and Philip. It's been a dream of mine for years."  
  
"Well, good for you buddy! And who's this?" He asked, gesturing at Roxy.  
  
"Stan's girlfriend." Said Roxy, staring Peter down.  
  
"Pardon?" Peter raised his eyebrows and frowned for the first time since he had entered the apartment.  
  
"I guess I should explain." Sighed Wendy, launching into a story she had told many times. "Stan and I are having a child, he got me pregnant 6 months ago. When he found out, he moved in. You of course know this."  
  
"Yeah, so, what's with the hottie?" Asked Peter, leering at Roxy.  
  
"Well, Stan and I realised early on in the relationship that it wasn't going to work. We were fighting all the time. But I felt guilty for dragging Stan away from his life in New York..."  
  
"...And I didn't want to abandon a pregnant woman..." Added Stan.  
  
"So, I helped Roxy find a secretarial position at my firm so she could move down here."  
  
"Yeah, I can't thank you enough for that. Having a bunch of big-shot lawyers boss me around is my idea of a great job. Much better than New York." Roxy said sarcastically. Wendy just smiled.  
  
"Anyway, Roxy and Stan found a cute little apartment and moved out with the money Stan got for the movie, and they're getting married later this year."  
  
"So, what about you then Wendy?" Asked Peter, his eyebrows still raised.  
  
"Well, it's Stan's baby as well, so he'll be taking a pretty active roll in raising it, and cheap day care when I work late at the office!" Wendy chuckled, and Peter shrugged.  
  
"I dunno, it's kinda weird..." Peter began."  
  
"God Peter, it's the new millennium! Deal with it!" Wendy laughed, grabbed her coat and went to leave. Stan and Roxy started to leave as well.  
  
"What about her?" Peter asked again, still leering suggestively at Roxy.  
  
"Actually." Staid Roxy, holding out her hand and proudly displaying her ring "I'm engaged to Stan. And even if I weren't...no."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No." She said, taking Stan's hand and leading him out the door, mumbling under her breath "asshole sleaze..."  
  
Kyle looked over at his sleeping wife and remembered the first time he knew he loved her. It was their wedding night, three weeks ago. He had been more than nervous that day, he had been downright terrified! He thought he was marrying her for all the wrong reasons, well, just one big wrong reason. Sheela. She wanted him to be married to badly, and she wanted grandchildren as well. It didn't seem to matter to her that Rebecca knew little about the Jewish faith...at all (Kyle could only refuse her patented bacon and egg breakfast so many times without coming up with a good excuse). This was the only thought that occupied Kyle's mind as the orchestra started playing for Rebecca's entrance. Indeed, Sheela had spared no expense for this wedding, provided Kyle was paying. There were gasps and murmurs of awe from the onlookers, and Kyle figured he may as well turn around and see what his money was paying for. That's when it happened. He saw her, gliding towards him. She was a goddess in white, virtually glowing with confidence and beauty as she walked down the aisle. Kyle's stomach churned as all those old feeling came flooding back, he felt just like he was eight years old again. Rebecca was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, and he knew that she was perfect for him.  
  
Kyle smiled and was getting ready to turn the light off when the phone rang. He wondered who could be calling a this hour. Beside him, Rebecca stirred.  
  
"Hello." Kyle answered the phone. "Hello?" There was no reply from the other end.  
  
"Who is it?" Asked Rebecca.  
  
"I dunno. I can't hear anything, just breathing..." There was a childish giggle, and them the line went dead.  
  
"What happened?" Asked Rebecca, worried, as Kyle hung the phone up.  
  
"Nothing." Said Kyle.  
  
"So, they didn't say anything?" Asked Rebecca, panicking.  
  
"No." Answered Kyle, confused.  
  
"Uh, this may sound strange, but did they giggle?"  
  
"Giggle. Uh, yeah they did. It must have been a kid...Rebecca, what's wrong?" Rebecca had turned white and shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"It's Butters. It's begun Kyle. We're not going to be safe here..."  
  
Ike and Bebe stood in front of the Broflowski's front door. Ike had just knocked, and they waited nervously for and answer. Bebe's blonde hair had been pulled back into a sensible braid, and she was wearing a long floral dress, which hid the small curve of her stomach. She looked rather pale and a tad sickly as she stood next to Ike.  
  
"Are you all right? Do you want to sit down Bebe?" Bebe just waved Ike away as she put her hand to her mouth. Gerald answered the door as she wiped her brow with a handkerchief. He looked them both over, almost considering them.  
  
"Gerald!" Came a call from inside. "Gerald! Who is at the door!" Gerald looked at Ike and Bebe, and a smile crept over his weary face.  
  
"It's your son!" Gerald called back.  
  
"What? What's Kyle doing here? He should be on his honeymoon!" Sheela grumbled, he voice travelling down the hall, arriving outside long before she did. Gerald was grinning when he noticed the ring on Bebe's finger.  
  
"Oh, Kyle's not here." Said Gerald, half to himself. Sheela's red, confused face appeared at the door. Her eyes moved over Ike and Bebe, lingering on Bebe's stomach.  
  
"Don't worry mom." Said Ike in answer to Sheela's shocked expression. "I made an honest woman of her." Bebe held up her hand, proudly displaying a sparkling diamond engagement ring and a gold wedding band.  
  
"How long?" Asked Sheela.  
  
"Well," Bebe answered "We eloped about 6 months ago, just after we left here."  
  
"And how long have you been pregnant?" Said Sheela, crossing her arms.  
  
"Dunno. Just started showing really."  
  
"Right. And is it Ike's?"  
  
"Mom!" Ike was shocked. Sheela glared at both of them.  
  
"Yeah, it is actually." Said Bebe menacingly. Sheela merely rolled her eyes.  
  
"I can't believe this." Said Ike under his breath.  
  
"No Ike, I expected something like this!" Exclaimed Bebe, taking his arm. "Now, do you think you could buy me some watermelon? I have a craving..." Bebe and Sheela shot each other dark glances as Ike and Bebe walked away. Gerald sighed and shuffled inside, shaking his head. Sheela watched until Ike and Bebe drove off.  
  
"I'm gunna have a grandchild." She whispered to herself quietly, smiling.  
  
Kenny had just finished work, an 8 hour day at the new tyre plant which had opened up 4 months ago. It was just about the only job in town he could get, given his limited education. He walked along the street, towards the house he lived in, his childhood home which he still shared with his parents. He was still poor, but now he could blame his poverty on callous bosses and income tax. The irony of his tax dollars going to his parents in the form of welfare had not escaped him either. But neither of his parents were in any shape to work any more, their bodies having been ravaged by starvation and alcohol. But at least with his job Kenny could buy what little they needed and pay the bills as well. But it still pissed his off a great deal that Stuart spent most of what he earned on alcohol, and Kenny had to take a second job at night to support all three of them. He walked in the door, and was greeted by the unfamiliar smells of cooking.  
  
"Kenny." His mother called from the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah?" He replied.  
  
"Do you have time for dinner?"  
  
"Dunno. Gotta be at the bar in half an hour. I still gotta shower and change."  
  
"Ok hon. I'll save some for you will I?"  
  
"What have you made?" Called Kenny.  
  
"Spaghetti and meatballs."  
  
"Huh." Said Kenny to himself. "I didn't know she could cook...Ok mom! That'd be great." He called back before closing the bathroom door. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked as if he had aged considerably since he had come home. There were bags under his eyes, due to the fact that he never had time to sleep. Between the factory during the day, the bar at night and all the maintenance he had to do around the house, he lot very little sleep. But at least he appreciated the weekends all the more!  
  
"So." He said to his tired-looking reflection. "This is the real world, huh?" He sighed heavily, and proceeded to undress. He stepped under the shower, appreciative there was still hot water.  
  
Cartman looked around the room he was in. It was different to the jail cell he was remanded to whilst waiting trial, but the feeling was the same. The same airless claustrophobia hung in this room and Cartman began to panic. His screams eventually bought a warden.  
  
"What?" Said the warden as he burst into the room. Cartman shook violently as fear and anxiety filled his body. The warden glared at him.  
  
"Um, do I have a room mate?" Cartman asked feebly.  
  
"Yeah. He'll be down from therapy directly. Speaking of which, a nurse will be down with your therapy time table and your medication sheet. You'll need to sign them both." Cartman nodded.  
  
"Thanks." He said, turning to unpack his belongings. He had fully unpacked and put his clothes and what merge belongings he had into the drawers provided when he heard the door behind him unlock. He turned to see a scruffy looking man standing there.  
  
"You must be my new room mate." He said morbidly, eyeing Cartman with an instant disdain.  
  
"Yeah, I am." Said Cartman, glaring back. The man shrugged and walked over to where Cartman was unpacking the last of his belongings, a scrapbook of his newspaper clippings.  
  
"I thought I recognised you." Said the man, picking up the book and leafing through it. "I didn't think you'd be sent to this place though. I thought you were headed for jail."  
  
"Yeah, well." Cartman grabbed the book off him. "The insanity defence didn't work quite how I planned." He scowled.  
  
"Well, take it from me, this place is better than jail, as long as you don't mind the screaming at night." Cartman couldn't tell if the man was joking or not. The man held out his hand in greeting. "Tyler Cook. 30. Widower, no kids. In for manslaughter." Cartman took his hand.  
  
"Eric Cartman. 28. Divorced. 2 kids. In for some terrorism crap, I dunno."  
  
"Divorced huh? Your idea or hers?"  
  
"Hers. I was kind of cheating on her. I don't think I'm gunna see the kids again. They've become all...nice. I dunno. They sure don't get it from me." Tyler nodded.  
  
"Well Eric Cartman, welcome to Lake View Mental Correctional facility. Hope you enjoy your stay." Cartman smiled evilly.  
  
"Say, Tyler, ever considered revenge?" 


End file.
